Peter Marshall: "Right after Trigger died, what did Roy Rogers announce he would do?"
Paul Lynde: "Dismount."
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Some Oscar Wilde
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
“Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.”
“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”
“Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.”
“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Mrs. T
Here is a handwritten note that was found on the wall in Mother Teresa’s room after she passed away.
People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends, and some true enemies; be successful anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, others may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Goofus Minorus_3
Meet Abby, Avril, and Alicia La Fontaine. Three (3) middle aged sisters are committed spinsters. Their love of gossip, has occupied their lives leaving little time for others. The three ladies are inseparable in time as well as looks. Comely in appearence but cold in hearts are the three.
“After the library, we should stop at Mr. Dittwhiler’s Store. He has a selection of new mirrors in stock. “Alicia informs. “I would love to see my self in a top quality looking glass.”
“Last year’s early spring left my complexion with rosy blotches.” Abby responds.” I hope this year will be a proper spring.”
“Mr. Dittwhiler’s wife left him recently!” Avril announces. “Those blotches are hardly noticeable, Abby.”
“No!” Shouts Abby in delicious surprise. “I fear that there are the remains of one or two of the most serious blemishes.”
“I heard he had a first wife that did the same thing when he lived in Portsmouth!” Alicia gasps. “I can’t even recall those red marks on you, Abby”.”
“With whom did she run off?” Abby inquires. “Mr. Dittwhiler is such a handsome gentleman.”
“They say she is with a man that works down on the docks…a delivery man.” Squeals Avril. “A rather offish man at that!”
“Oh how dirty that all sounds.” Moans Alicia. “I always thought there was something very unordinary and deeply common about Mrs. Dittwhiler."
“She has always wears a distant look upon her face.” Abby recalls. “The kind of blanch that one doesn’t see upon a healthy soul.”
“I know the woman who helps at his store.” Teases Avril. “Let us top and see what news my friend has to offer.”
In truth Mr. & Mrs. Mr. Dittwhiler were childhood sweethearts. The man has only had the one wife. Mrs. Dittwhiler has not left her husband but is traveling with her first cousin, a naval officer upon a several days journey to a family gathering.
“After the library, we should stop at Mr. Dittwhiler’s Store. He has a selection of new mirrors in stock. “Alicia informs. “I would love to see my self in a top quality looking glass.”
“Last year’s early spring left my complexion with rosy blotches.” Abby responds.” I hope this year will be a proper spring.”
“Mr. Dittwhiler’s wife left him recently!” Avril announces. “Those blotches are hardly noticeable, Abby.”
“No!” Shouts Abby in delicious surprise. “I fear that there are the remains of one or two of the most serious blemishes.”
“I heard he had a first wife that did the same thing when he lived in Portsmouth!” Alicia gasps. “I can’t even recall those red marks on you, Abby”.”
“With whom did she run off?” Abby inquires. “Mr. Dittwhiler is such a handsome gentleman.”
“They say she is with a man that works down on the docks…a delivery man.” Squeals Avril. “A rather offish man at that!”
“Oh how dirty that all sounds.” Moans Alicia. “I always thought there was something very unordinary and deeply common about Mrs. Dittwhiler."
“She has always wears a distant look upon her face.” Abby recalls. “The kind of blanch that one doesn’t see upon a healthy soul.”
“I know the woman who helps at his store.” Teases Avril. “Let us top and see what news my friend has to offer.”
In truth Mr. & Mrs. Mr. Dittwhiler were childhood sweethearts. The man has only had the one wife. Mrs. Dittwhiler has not left her husband but is traveling with her first cousin, a naval officer upon a several days journey to a family gathering.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
quote on love
"Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished."
– Og Mandino
– Og Mandino
Dumb joke
Question: How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
Answer: By dropping it seven feet – it won’t break for the first six.
Answer: By dropping it seven feet – it won’t break for the first six.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Dumb joke
Question: How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
Answer: By dropping it seven feet – it won’t break for the first six.
Answer: By dropping it seven feet – it won’t break for the first six.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Summer Solstice
On June 20, 2008, the North Pole will tilt most directly toward the sun, so that the noon sun appears at its highest point in the sky—nearly directly overhead. This is the year's longest day in terms of daylight hours.
At the same time, in the Southern Hemisphere, the pole is tilted farthest away from the sun, and the June solstice falls in winter, marking the shortest and darkest day of the year.
Happy Summer!
At the same time, in the Southern Hemisphere, the pole is tilted farthest away from the sun, and the June solstice falls in winter, marking the shortest and darkest day of the year.
Happy Summer!
medical benefits of duck eggs
HEALTH BENEFITS: Duck eggs are sought by cancer patients. Apparently, duck eggs are alkaline (basic), chicken eggs are acidic. Cancer cells don’t thrive in a basic environment, so some cancer patients adjust their body’s environment by eating alkaline foods like duck eggs.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Goofus Minorus_2
Meet Colonel B B Hagis retired as the former commander of His Majesty’s 44th Highland Regiment. B B is a burly man with thick red hair and wearing heavy chops and mustache upon his face. He always presents himself well groomed and wearing a formal kilt and tartan coat.
The colonel is an impatient man with an aggressive ‘take charge’ personality. His retirement is trying so he must invent problems to solve in order consume his day.
“Harriet!” Barks the colonel at his wife. “Front and center!”
Mrs. Haggis enters the parlor. Her wet hands she is drying in her apron.
The colonel lowers his newspaper.
“Have you n any idea how foolish the town’s counsel has acted on the issue of leashed pets?” The colonel is agitated.
“No dear! I have too much work with all the canning that has to be done from the garden.” The lady’s hair is damp from the heat in the kitchen.
“These brigands have passed the absurd requirement that all pets be leashed in the city park!” The gentleman waits for wife’s response.
“We don’t own a pet dear!” Harriet retorts.
“How is man supposed to train his dog without the proper drills?” The colonel asks. “Do they expect me to go along with leash in hand when I wish to run the dog?”
“Dear we don’t own a dog and never have!” Harriet is perplexed. “Do you plan to exercise someone’s pet?”
“Apparently I shall never be able to do so under this confounded new ordinance!” The colonel grows angry. “Neither shall you Harriet ever again run the dog!”
“I have never run a dog!” She replies.
“Precisely! Your rights are being been denied. I shall leave for the city building at once and protest in your name!” The colonel folds his paper. “I shall pass the pet shop and see if they have a dog you might take to!”
The colonel is an impatient man with an aggressive ‘take charge’ personality. His retirement is trying so he must invent problems to solve in order consume his day.
“Harriet!” Barks the colonel at his wife. “Front and center!”
Mrs. Haggis enters the parlor. Her wet hands she is drying in her apron.
The colonel lowers his newspaper.
“Have you n any idea how foolish the town’s counsel has acted on the issue of leashed pets?” The colonel is agitated.
“No dear! I have too much work with all the canning that has to be done from the garden.” The lady’s hair is damp from the heat in the kitchen.
“These brigands have passed the absurd requirement that all pets be leashed in the city park!” The gentleman waits for wife’s response.
“We don’t own a pet dear!” Harriet retorts.
“How is man supposed to train his dog without the proper drills?” The colonel asks. “Do they expect me to go along with leash in hand when I wish to run the dog?”
“Dear we don’t own a dog and never have!” Harriet is perplexed. “Do you plan to exercise someone’s pet?”
“Apparently I shall never be able to do so under this confounded new ordinance!” The colonel grows angry. “Neither shall you Harriet ever again run the dog!”
“I have never run a dog!” She replies.
“Precisely! Your rights are being been denied. I shall leave for the city building at once and protest in your name!” The colonel folds his paper. “I shall pass the pet shop and see if they have a dog you might take to!”
Blessing for fathers
For our fathers, who have given us life and love, that we may show them respect and love, we pray to the Lord.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Irish saying
Here's to lying, stealing, and cheating!
May you lie to save a friend;
May you steal the heart of the one you love;
and may you cheat death.
May you lie to save a friend;
May you steal the heart of the one you love;
and may you cheat death.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Irish saying
Walls for the wind
And a roof for the rain,
And drinks beside the fire.
Laughter to cheer you
And those you love near you.
And all that your heart may desire.
And a roof for the rain,
And drinks beside the fire.
Laughter to cheer you
And those you love near you.
And all that your heart may desire.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Irish saying
Here's that we may always have a clean shirt,
A clean conscience,
And a guinea in our pocket.
A clean conscience,
And a guinea in our pocket.
Goofus Minorus_1
Meet Rev Ickes R Bumbry, vicar of queen’s Church Forks Road ,Someford. The pastor is an elderly gentleman who is not known for his scholarly theology. Rather he is easily confused by numbers, has poor vision and a distracting speech impediment. Our cleric is however the first cousin of the bishop who serves the Queen.
“Alewua! Alewua!” The reverend calls as he begins his sermon.
“Aleluia! Aleluia!” Returns the congregation.
“Today’s message takes us beyond knowing the difference between wight and wrong.” The vicar stammers. ‘It is our call to wightousness!”
The community strains to become comfortable.
“When 300 Amonites stood in wightousness against 5000 Hitties, they feared no loss but knew they would be victowious even unto their death.” The old cleric’s voice lifts.
“That day 10,000 died on the field of battle and wightousness pwevailed.” The parson continues.
“Where did la those extra dead soldiers come from?” Mrs. Cartwright whispers to her husband.
“It seems the good reverend counts twice the deficit …much as a government official.” Mr. Cartwright answers.
“The wicked shall be punished!” The reverend adds. “Consider the three criminals that are to be executed for seduction of the Queen.”
“My word! Three unrepentant men seduced her Majesty!” Mrs. Cartwright whispers.
“I believe my dear that sedition was the crime!” Mr. Cartwright corrects.
“Let us pway!” The minister commands.
“Lead me ,guide me along the way,
If you lead me I cannot stway,
Lowd let me walk this day with thee.”
“Amen!” The reverend ends
“Alewua! Alewua!” The reverend calls as he begins his sermon.
“Aleluia! Aleluia!” Returns the congregation.
“Today’s message takes us beyond knowing the difference between wight and wrong.” The vicar stammers. ‘It is our call to wightousness!”
The community strains to become comfortable.
“When 300 Amonites stood in wightousness against 5000 Hitties, they feared no loss but knew they would be victowious even unto their death.” The old cleric’s voice lifts.
“That day 10,000 died on the field of battle and wightousness pwevailed.” The parson continues.
“Where did la those extra dead soldiers come from?” Mrs. Cartwright whispers to her husband.
“It seems the good reverend counts twice the deficit …much as a government official.” Mr. Cartwright answers.
“The wicked shall be punished!” The reverend adds. “Consider the three criminals that are to be executed for seduction of the Queen.”
“My word! Three unrepentant men seduced her Majesty!” Mrs. Cartwright whispers.
“I believe my dear that sedition was the crime!” Mr. Cartwright corrects.
“Let us pway!” The minister commands.
“Lead me ,guide me along the way,
If you lead me I cannot stway,
Lowd let me walk this day with thee.”
“Amen!” The reverend ends
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Irish saying
Here's to a long life and a merry one;
A quick death and an easy one;
A pretty girl and an honest one;
A cold beer -- and another one!
A quick death and an easy one;
A pretty girl and an honest one;
A cold beer -- and another one!
What it means to be irish part 3
19) You can't wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking.
20) "Irish Stew" is the euphemism for "boiled leftovers from the fridge."
21) You're not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency.
22) There wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.
23) You are, or know someone, named "Murph".
24) If you don't know Murph, then you know Mac, if you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know Sully, and you'll probably also know Sully McMurphy
25) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.
26) Your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room.
27) And last but not least... Being Irish means... your attention span is so short that ... oh, forget
20) "Irish Stew" is the euphemism for "boiled leftovers from the fridge."
21) You're not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency.
22) There wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.
23) You are, or know someone, named "Murph".
24) If you don't know Murph, then you know Mac, if you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know Sully, and you'll probably also know Sully McMurphy
25) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.
26) Your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room.
27) And last but not least... Being Irish means... your attention span is so short that ... oh, forget
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
What it means to be irish part 2
10) You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling.
11) You're strangely poetic after a few beers.
12) You're, therefore, poetic a lot.
13) You will be punched for no good reason...a lot.
14) Some punches directed at you are legacies from past generations.
15) Your sister will punch you because your brother punched her.
16) Many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary....and one is Mary Catherine Elizabeth.
17) Someone in your family is incredibly cheap. It is more than likely you.
18) You may not know the words, but that doesn't stop you from singing.
11) You're strangely poetic after a few beers.
12) You're, therefore, poetic a lot.
13) You will be punched for no good reason...a lot.
14) Some punches directed at you are legacies from past generations.
15) Your sister will punch you because your brother punched her.
16) Many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary....and one is Mary Catherine Elizabeth.
17) Someone in your family is incredibly cheap. It is more than likely you.
18) You may not know the words, but that doesn't stop you from singing.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
coming attractions
I shall be trying out characters over the next month or two on this blog for a coming new novel (a comedy). Your patience and commentary is needed as well as suggestions specifically wrt some personae.
respectfully,
jpr
respectfully,
jpr
Friday, June 11, 2010
Repentence
If you have sinned, do not lie down without repentance; for the want of repentance after one has sinned makes the heart yet harder and harder”
~~John Bunyan
~~John Bunyan
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Request
What about "Water boiling except then you forget about it and it all evaporates and the pan gets scorched" ?
or "Water boiling to sanitize rudimentary medical tools for deep splinter removal"?
Just saying....
or "Water boiling to sanitize rudimentary medical tools for deep splinter removal"?
Just saying....
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
joke
The girl knelt in the confessional and said, 'Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.'
'What is it, child?'
'Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.'
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, 'My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake.'
'What is it, child?'
'Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.'
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, 'My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake.'
Monday, June 7, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
really dumb joke
A woman walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey where'd you get the pig?"
The women says "This isn't a pig it's a duck"
and the bartender says "No, I was talking to the duck!"
The women says "This isn't a pig it's a duck"
and the bartender says "No, I was talking to the duck!"
Friday, June 4, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Trivia
From The Best and Worst of Everything, Parade Magazine, Sunday December 28, 1997, Page 10.
Initially from the Rocky Mountain News, "BEST EXPERIMENT"
"If you are caught without an umbrella when it starts to rain, will you stay drier by running to shelter instead of walking?
Thomas Peterson and Trevor Wallis, of Asheville, N.C., both climatologists, calculated that running made one 44% drier over 100 meters (about 328 feet).
To test their findings, they measured off a 100-meter course and waited for it to rain. They wore identical dry clothing that had been weighed before the test (they wear the same size) and wore plastic bags under their clothes to trap any water that might seep through. Peterson walked the course, while Wallis ran. Afterward, they weighed the clothes again. The result: Wallis' clothes were 40% drier.
Initially from the Rocky Mountain News, "BEST EXPERIMENT"
"If you are caught without an umbrella when it starts to rain, will you stay drier by running to shelter instead of walking?
Thomas Peterson and Trevor Wallis, of Asheville, N.C., both climatologists, calculated that running made one 44% drier over 100 meters (about 328 feet).
To test their findings, they measured off a 100-meter course and waited for it to rain. They wore identical dry clothing that had been weighed before the test (they wear the same size) and wore plastic bags under their clothes to trap any water that might seep through. Peterson walked the course, while Wallis ran. Afterward, they weighed the clothes again. The result: Wallis' clothes were 40% drier.
joys
"My plenteous joys, Wanton in fullness, seek to hide themselves In drops of sorrow."
~~William Shakespeare
~~William Shakespeare
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Herbert Hoover
Since President Hoover was a Quaker he did not take an oath of office. He affirmed his presdency.
President Hoover was one of two Presidents who did not accept a salary for being President. He donated his salary to charity.
Charles Curtis, Hoover's vice president, was the only nonwhite person to be elected vice president of the U.S. He was a Kaw Indian.
When the Hoovers wanted to speak privately while in the presence of White House guests, they spoke Chinese.
President Hoover was one of two Presidents who did not accept a salary for being President. He donated his salary to charity.
Charles Curtis, Hoover's vice president, was the only nonwhite person to be elected vice president of the U.S. He was a Kaw Indian.
When the Hoovers wanted to speak privately while in the presence of White House guests, they spoke Chinese.
sorrow
"A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken."
~~Proverb
~~Proverb
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
sorrow
"For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow."
~~ Scripture
~~ Scripture
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