Lady bumber stickers

SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.

GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.

IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING.

Megie's Laws

1. Don't add a second entagelment until the first is gone otherwise
you have one greater mess.

2. To be rid of an entagelment takes a painful act.

3. Entagelment is a necessry part of life.

Unusual birthday celebrations

It was the Greeks who started the ritual of a birthday cake and candles. The candles were a tribute to the goddess of the moon, Artemis. The Greeks were actually birthday manic. They celebrated the birthday's of the gods every month. Still, there were no celebrations for women or children. The male dominated society even continued celebrating male's birthdays for years after they died.

Birthday customs in Korea

Korea

This country celebrates the 100th day after a child's birth. Rice cakes, made with red and black beans, and sweetened with honey are passed out amongst family and friends. As the tradition goes, the more rice cakes handed out, the better. Offering 100 of these cakes signifies that the child will go on to have a long, happy life.

bumber stickers

Seen on a woman's car: "Men call us birds, we pick up worms"

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

unusual facts

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

America once issued a 5-cent bill.

Quote

"Honor the woman who fears the Lord,
Her sons will bless her,
and her husband praise her."

~~The Bible

bumber stickers

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

unusual facts

A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.

Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.

children

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

The youngest pope was 11 years old.

Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school.

unusual facts

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.

Armadillos can be housebroken.

cowboy joke

Political correctness

I think the political correctness is getting ridiculous. Today I overheard a little boy say he was going to go play a game of Cattle Management Specialists and Native Americans.

unusual facts

A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night.

Until 1796, there was a state in the United States called Franklin. Today it is known as Tennessee.

cowboy joke

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending
fences out on the range.

Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It's a miracle!”

“Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

unusual facts

The State of Florida is bigger than England.

Recycling one glass jar saves enough energy to watch TV for 3 hours.

Back to School

back to school

76 million is the number of U.S. residents enrolled in schools -- from nursery schools to colleges.

unusual facts

The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump.

The penguin is the only bird who can swim, but not fly.

back to school

$7.2 billion is the amount of money spent at kids clothing stores in August 2009.

School boys! School boys!

yes!

After many decades, I still wake on a school day to the call of my mother from all those years ago.

To the all students, teachers, and aides who begin another year of miracles...bono fortuna.

Irish Humor

There was an old man in Ireland one time who only had one son and he was in jail at Long Kesh Prison.

The poor man was on his own and there wasn't anyone in the parish to give him a hand to sow his spuds in the garden.

He wrote a letter to his son and told him his sad tale.

Without any delay, the boy wrote back, "IN THE NAME O' GOD ! Don't put a spade in the ground of that garden... That's where I hid the GUNS !!"

At 4 a.m. what happened but didn't a great crowd of British soldiers arrive and they dug the whole place over from side to side without finding anything.

The old man was amazed and he wrote again to his son telling him what had happened and that he couldn't understand it at all.

The son wrote back,"Don't do anything, father, just plant your spuds !"

Irish

There are 212 days 13 hours until St. Patrick's Day - Tá 212 lá 13 uair go dtí lá Fhéile Pádraig.

unusual facts about rain

The amount of water held in the atmosphere at any time is sufficient to produce about 2.5cm (1 inch) of rain over the surface of the earth.

The total amount of precipitation to fall to earth in one year is 5,000 million million tons.

Irish Wit

Father Murphy looks out his window one morning and sees a dead jackass on the lawn.

He telephones the police station and says: "There is a dead jackass lying on my lawn. Can you send a few fellows over to take him away?

"I thought that Last Rites was your business," says the policeman.

( Fr. Murphey remains silent for a couple of seconds...)
And then he says: "but first we must notify the next of kin."

Gilbert K. Chesterton

"A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author."

country saying

Busy as a stump-tailed cow in fly time.

unusual facts about beetles

Adult beetles have two sets of wings.
There are 12,000 different kinds of beetles in the United States.
•Most beetles only live for a year

country sayings

Happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.

William Shakespeare

"Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven."

country sayings

Learn to speak kind words, nobody resents them.

about cars

The first car for sale in America was the Curved Dash Oldsmobile. It was priced at $650.

Dancing in the Rain

http://www.theimprovisedlife.com/2010/08/15/

country sayings

Sure you can trust the Government, ask any Indian.

about cars

In 1923, 173 new inventions by women for cars had been reported. Among these inventions were a carburetor and an electric engine starter.
The first car radio was invented in 1929.

Beach yoga

Added to the lists of the world's greatest earthly pleasures (food, sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.) is Beach Yoga. Come as you are, forget about not getting sandy, and who cares if you have body odor. P.S. it's free. Your teacher will direct your limbs into various shapes and figures, but she will not explain everything, and sometimes say things like "move into an infinite skyward third eye drishti" and you will have no idea what she is talking about, but the person next you doesn't either, so you just go for it. People walk by with dogs and kids and stare. Just when you're burning and shaking and wondering what you've gotten yourself into and how long it will be before it's over, she tells you to lie on your back and close your eyes. You're not sure what happens next but at some point she comes over and pushes your shoulders down into the sand, presses her fingers into your forehead and temple, and pulls down your earlobes. Then it starts to rain. When it's time to get up you've decided that you've fallen in love with everyone in the class with you, even the desperate housewife, even the young bearded man who's engaged to someone's niece, even the thin woman who always seems to get everything right. And especially your teacher, who is usually just a waitress with you on the weekends, but now suddenly seems to be the most beautiful and talented person in the world. You wonder, would it be rude to cry? Transitioning back to the real world is near impossible; you sit in your car with your feet hanging out, trying to wash the sand off with a bottle of water before going in to work.

Steve Martin

" Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything! "

William Shakespeare

"Absence from those we love is self from self - a deadly banishment."

Gilbert K. Chesterton

"If there were no God, there would be no atheists."

about cars

Most American car horns beep in the key of F.

about cars

The automobile is the most recycled consumer product in the world today.

about cars

In 1916, 55 percent of the cars in the world were Model T Fords, a record that has never been beaten.

about cars

The first known automobile was built in 1668, it was a two foot long steam powered model constructed by Ferdinand Verbiest, a Belgian Jesuit preist.

by Emily Dickinson

The Heart Asks


The heart asks pleasure first
And then, excuse from pain;
And then those little anodynes
That deaden suffering,

And then to go to sleep
And then, if it should be,
The will of its Inquisitor
The liberty to die!

by Robert Frost

Dust of Snow


The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree
Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Forebearance


Hast thou named all the birds without a gun;
Loved the wood-rose, and left it on its stalk;
At rich men's tables eaten bread and pulse;
Unarmed, faced danger with a heart of trust;
And loved so well a high behavior
In man or maid, that thou from speech refrained,
Nobility more nobly to repay?
O be my friend, and teach me to be thine!

Southern Sayings

A whistling woman and a crowing hen never comes to a very good end.

about cars

The New York City Police Department used bicycles to pursue speeding motorists in 1898.

The first speeding ticket was issued in 1902.

Ko-Ka Ko-la

When Coca-Cola was first introduced to China a short time ago, the company had some difficulty spelling the product's name in Chinese, while keeping the same pronunciation ("ko-ka ko-la") ... the first attempt translated to "bite the wax tadpole." Finally they arrived at something which translated to "may your mouth rejoice," and now Coke is selling quite a bit better.

Yoke

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
Now you know why they call it a workstation!

dumb Yoke

A man gave the waiter his order, "Black coffee, no cream"
The waiter came back and apologized, "I'm sorry, we're out of cream. Would you take your coffee without milk?"

Quotes by Women

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
- Helen Hayes

Yoke

A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion.

The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet,” Your hamster is dead".

Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet.

Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be $1000, please". "A $1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".

Quotes by Women

Old age ain't no place for sissies.
- Bette Davis

Quotes on Women

The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
- Jane Sellman

Chinese Internet

Internet is becoming popularized in China. More and more people have opened an email account. However, there are still some problems with this new media. Mis-delivery is a serious one. Last week a Beida graduate student called Li Na tried to send a "have a try" email to his classmate Zhao Wen-Jian, but that message was sent to Mr. Li Peng, one of the top leaders in China, by mistake. As a result, Mr. Li was surprised by the following message: "Hi, Fatty: How are you? This is only a try. By the way, the yellow joke you told last night is just great."

The next day, Li Na received an email from "security@zhongnanhai.cn" in which he was told: "We have evidence to proof that you have been tapping the highest security hotlines of government. Any attempt to bug the telephone talk of country leaders is illegal."

Footnote: Li Peng is the Premier who ordered to kill Peking students in Tiananmen Square in 1989 crackdown.

Chinese Proverb

Do not employ handsome servants.

Woman's quote

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
-Mae West

Famous speech impediments

Moses - According to the Bible, Moses had a speech impediment. When God told Moses to free the Israelites (Jews) from slavery in Egypt, Moses replied, "But my Lord, never in my life have I been a man of eloquence, either before or since you have spoken to your servant. I am a slow speaker and not able to speak well" (Exodus 4:10). In Koran, 20:26-29 Moses said "Lord, open my breast, and do Thou ease for me my task, Unloose the knot upon my tongue, that they may understand my words." The analogy of a knot upon his tongue refers to his stuttering.

famous people who have and had speech problems

Walter Bruce Willis (born March 19, 1955) is a German-born American actor and singer. He came to fame in the late 1980s and has since retained a career as both a Hollywood leading man and a supporting actor. Bruce Willis has had stuttering problems throughout his youth. He successfully grew out of it from being an actor, which actually removed his speech disorder.

Dysprosody

Dysprosody is the rarest neurological speech disorder. It is characterized by alterations in intensity, in the timing of utterance segments, and in rhythm, cadence, and intonation of words. The changes to the duration, the fundamental frequency, and the intensity of tonic and atonic syllables of the sentences spoken, deprive an individual's particular speech of its characteristics. The cause of dysprosody is usually associated with neurological pathologies such as brain vascular accidents, cranioencephalic traumatisms, and brain tumor.

Robert F. Kennedy, Jr suffers from spasmodic dysphonia.

Dysprosody and the Foreign Accent Syndrome

There has been documented focal brain injuries in the left cerebral hemisphere, and the foreign accent syndrome has emerged after a period of recovery from muteness, and/or motor speech disorder.