Al Bundy on Marriage

 Peg, when you married me, was it pre-meditated or a drive-by marriage?

 Peg we've been married for 17 years. Can't we just be friends?

 I deserve to be punished, I married your mother.

 Pretty good for a guy stupid enough to marry you, huh?

 Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.