Friday, July 30, 2010

famous speech disorders

Winston Churchill - Churchill described himself as having a "speech impediment", which he consistently worked to overcome. After many years, he finally stated, "My impediment is no hindrance." Churchill Centre has concluded that he lisped. Churchill's impediment may also have been cluttering, which would fit more with his lack of attention to unimportant details and his very secure ego.

- Chinese Proverb

Govern a family as you would cook a small fish - very gently.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Czech Proverb

“Do not choose your wife at a dance, but in the field among the harvesters”

Monday, July 26, 2010

~ Mother Teresa ~

"Death is nothing else but going home to God,
the bond of love will be unbroken for all eternity."

not done with george

22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Sunday, July 25, 2010

George Carlin Strikes Again

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Friday, July 23, 2010

you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when:

. Your grandfather had a fig tree.

. You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

. Christmas Eve . . . only fish.

. Your mom's meatballs are the best.

. You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.

. Plastic on the furniture is normal.

. You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."

. You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."

. You've called someone a "mamaluke."

. And you understand "bada bing"

Thursday, July 22, 2010

yoke...You Might Be A Redneck If

Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.

You've ever hitchhiked naked.

You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

yoke..You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If

Sandpeople back down from your mama.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok... without using the word "chicken".

You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Late entry: Poem memorization

a selection from Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnets from the Portugese

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach
When feeling out of sight for ends of Being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need,
by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for light,
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with passion put to use in my old griefs,
and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints -
I love thee with the breath, smiles, and tears of all my life!
And, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

That's not right...
Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me ASAP...
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man...
Dum Gai

Small Horse...
Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?...
Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table...
Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift...
Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here...
Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet...
Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone...
No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week...
Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Staying out of sight...
Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile...
Wa Shing Ka

yoke

Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm OK but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"

Monday, July 19, 2010

poems to memory

I. The humorus poem to mind is "Old Man of Kilkenny" :

There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny;
He spent all that money,
In onions and honey,
That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.


II. The classic poem to mind is "A Word to Husbands by Ogden Nash":

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.


comment: I could only keep these poems in memory as long as there was brandy in the jar!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Human vestigiality

items lost by man due to evolution or aging:

1. appendix
2. the coccyx or lost tail bone
3. Plica semilunaris a membrane in the of the corner of the eye
4. muscles in the ear
5. human memory

Saturday, July 17, 2010

from "The Master Speed" by Robert Frost

Two such as you with such a master speed
Cannot be parted nor be swept away
From one another once you are agreed
That life is only life forevermore
Together wing to wing and oar to oar.

Friday, July 16, 2010

quote

"You create your opportunities by asking for them.”
~~Shakti Gawain

Thursday, July 15, 2010

quote

“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”
~~ Mahatma Gandhi

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

quote

“He who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning.”
~~ Danish Proverb quotes

Monday, July 12, 2010

Poem memorization contest

Reciting poems from memory is not only part of our ancestral domain but good for keeping our minds sharp. Choose one classic and one contemporary poem to memorize in one week's time. Submit from memory as a blog post on Monday, July 19th. Level of difficulty will be recognized by the judges.

quote

"With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own."
- John F. Kennedy

Chinese word "an"

"An" is the noun for peace. The Chinese symbol for peace is written as a woman under a roof. In its original form the symbol shows a picture of a woman sitting peacefully at home.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

quote

"Many things are lost for want of asking."
- English proverb

quote

"If you don't ask, you don't get."
~~ Mahatma Gandhi

FLEUR-DE-LIS

Called Lily of France, it was first an adaptation of the Gaulish lily representing the Virgin Juno. Among goddess worshippers, it apparently had several meanings, including the Triple Goddess (The Maiden, Mother and witch). It appeared in Arthurian legends as well as on the French (and other national) "coat-of-arms" and royal or military emblems. It has also been an emblem for the Boy Scouts.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

The symbol of Medicine

It is hard to trust a profession that cannot even get its symbols straight. Most physicians in the United States think that the symbol of their profession is something called the caduceus. But this is actually not true. Historians have discovered that someone in the U.S. Army Medical Corps mistook the caduceus for the Rod of Asclepius (an ancient symbol associated with Astrology) and introduced the Medical Corps' symbol at the beginning of the twentieth century. Soon thereafter, everyone in the United States was emulating the mistake.

quote

"Better to ask twice than to lose your way once."
~~Danish Proverb

Friday, July 9, 2010

quote

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek; and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."
~~Bible

Thursday, July 8, 2010

quote

"Man who waits for roast duck to fly into mouth must wait very, very long time."
~~Chinese Proverb

quote

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”
~~Oscar Wilde

ancient Celtic symbols

Hounds - loyalty
Lions - nobility, strength
Snakes - rebirth (Dragon or serpent designs may be interpreted the same as snakes)
Birds - purity (peacocks) or nobility (eagles)
Salmon - knowledge
Bull - strength
Boar - ferocity, strength

Monday, July 5, 2010

Consolation

How agreeable it is not to be touring Italy this summer,
wandering her cities and ascending her torrid hilltowns.
How much better to cruise these local, familiar streets,
fully grasping the meaning of every roadsign and billboard
and all the sudden hand gestures of my compatriots.

There are no abbeys here, no crumbling frescoes or famous
domes and there is no need to memorize a succession
of kings or tour the dripping corners of a dungeon.
No need to stand around a sarcophagus, see Napoleon's
little bed on Elba, or view the bones of a saint under glass.

How much better to command the simple precinct of home
than be dwarfed by pillar, arch, and basilica.
Why hide my head in phrase books and wrinkled maps?
Why feed scenery into a hungry, one-eyed camera
eager to eat the world one monument at a time?

Instead of slouching in a cafe ignorant of the word for ice,
I will head down to the coffee shop and the waitress
known as Dot. I will slide into the flow of the morning
paper, all language barriers down,
rivers of idiom running freely, eggs over easy on the way.

And after breakfast, I will not have to find someone
willing to photograph me with my arm around the owner.
I will not puzzle over the bill or record in a journal
what I had to eat and how the sun came in the window.
It is enough to climb back into the car

as if it were the great car of English itself
and sounding my loud vernacular horn, speed off
down a road that will never lead to Rome, not even Bologna.

-Billy Collins

Paul Lynde

Peter Marshall: According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?
Paul Lynde: 11.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

George Carlin

“If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?”

Saturday, July 3, 2010

John Wayne

“I never trust a man that doesn't drink.”

Friday, July 2, 2010

George Carlin

“The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.”

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Goofus Minorus _4

Meet Buford Prichard a member of the rural community. He is an untidy slovenly man. His small farm is also let to disorder. Buford’s sole interest is with ale. However the man is not a drunkard and he is a considerate husband and father.


“Buford what are you up to out there?” Mrs. Prichard asks.
It is late afternoon and Buford is seated on the front porch sipping a pint of ale.
“Killing fly!” The man calls in return. “My daddy killed fly. His daddy killed fly.”
“If the barn yard was cleaned up proper we should not have all these flies about the place.” Mrs. Prichard is dauntless in encouraging the man.
“Killing fly is like fishing except the critters come to me direct and eager.” The man blusters. “Takes a special ability to kill fly!”
“Well what skill are you practicing with all the ale you are consuming?” The woman wants changes in the man.
“Ale steadies the hand, relaxes the eye.” Buford responds.
“It seems to me that you are always relaxing! Whatever causes you stress?” The woman is frustrated.
The man looks in her direction, considers the wisdom in his response. “Being without you dear!”
“Why don’t you finish digging that drainage ditch behind the hen house then sit down with your ale?” Mrs. Prichard is relentless.
“The rains be coming and the runoff will wear on that ditch.” Buford sips tastes from his pint. “Nature will do most of the labor!”
“Man needs time to kill fly!” He reminds his wife.