Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Here is a handwritten note that was found on the wall in Mother Teresa’s room after she passed away.
People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends, and some true enemies; be successful anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, others may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
“After the library, we should stop at Mr. Dittwhiler’s Store. He has a selection of new mirrors in stock. “Alicia informs. “I would love to see my self in a top quality looking glass.”
“Last year’s early spring left my complexion with rosy blotches.” Abby responds.” I hope this year will be a proper spring.”
“Mr. Dittwhiler’s wife left him recently!” Avril announces. “Those blotches are hardly noticeable, Abby.”
“No!” Shouts Abby in delicious surprise. “I fear that there are the remains of one or two of the most serious blemishes.”
“I heard he had a first wife that did the same thing when he lived in Portsmouth!” Alicia gasps. “I can’t even recall those red marks on you, Abby”.”
“With whom did she run off?” Abby inquires. “Mr. Dittwhiler is such a handsome gentleman.”
“They say she is with a man that works down on the docks…a delivery man.” Squeals Avril. “A rather offish man at that!”
“Oh how dirty that all sounds.” Moans Alicia. “I always thought there was something very unordinary and deeply common about Mrs. Dittwhiler."
“She has always wears a distant look upon her face.” Abby recalls. “The kind of blanch that one doesn’t see upon a healthy soul.”
“I know the woman who helps at his store.” Teases Avril. “Let us top and see what news my friend has to offer.”
In truth Mr. & Mrs. Mr. Dittwhiler were childhood sweethearts. The man has only had the one wife. Mrs. Dittwhiler has not left her husband but is traveling with her first cousin, a naval officer upon a several days journey to a family gathering.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
At the same time, in the Southern Hemisphere, the pole is tilted farthest away from the sun, and the June solstice falls in winter, marking the shortest and darkest day of the year.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
The colonel is an impatient man with an aggressive ‘take charge’ personality. His retirement is trying so he must invent problems to solve in order consume his day.
“Harriet!” Barks the colonel at his wife. “Front and center!”
Mrs. Haggis enters the parlor. Her wet hands she is drying in her apron.
The colonel lowers his newspaper.
“Have you n any idea how foolish the town’s counsel has acted on the issue of leashed pets?” The colonel is agitated.
“No dear! I have too much work with all the canning that has to be done from the garden.” The lady’s hair is damp from the heat in the kitchen.
“These brigands have passed the absurd requirement that all pets be leashed in the city park!” The gentleman waits for wife’s response.
“We don’t own a pet dear!” Harriet retorts.
“How is man supposed to train his dog without the proper drills?” The colonel asks. “Do they expect me to go along with leash in hand when I wish to run the dog?”
“Dear we don’t own a dog and never have!” Harriet is perplexed. “Do you plan to exercise someone’s pet?”
“Apparently I shall never be able to do so under this confounded new ordinance!” The colonel grows angry. “Neither shall you Harriet ever again run the dog!”
“I have never run a dog!” She replies.
“Precisely! Your rights are being been denied. I shall leave for the city building at once and protest in your name!” The colonel folds his paper. “I shall pass the pet shop and see if they have a dog you might take to!”
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
“Alewua! Alewua!” The reverend calls as he begins his sermon.
“Aleluia! Aleluia!” Returns the congregation.
“Today’s message takes us beyond knowing the difference between wight and wrong.” The vicar stammers. ‘It is our call to wightousness!”
The community strains to become comfortable.
“When 300 Amonites stood in wightousness against 5000 Hitties, they feared no loss but knew they would be victowious even unto their death.” The old cleric’s voice lifts.
“That day 10,000 died on the field of battle and wightousness pwevailed.” The parson continues.
“Where did la those extra dead soldiers come from?” Mrs. Cartwright whispers to her husband.
“It seems the good reverend counts twice the deficit …much as a government official.” Mr. Cartwright answers.
“The wicked shall be punished!” The reverend adds. “Consider the three criminals that are to be executed for seduction of the Queen.”
“My word! Three unrepentant men seduced her Majesty!” Mrs. Cartwright whispers.
“I believe my dear that sedition was the crime!” Mr. Cartwright corrects.
“Let us pway!” The minister commands.
“Lead me ,guide me along the way,
If you lead me I cannot stway,
Lowd let me walk this day with thee.”
“Amen!” The reverend ends
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
20) "Irish Stew" is the euphemism for "boiled leftovers from the fridge."
21) You're not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency.
22) There wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.
23) You are, or know someone, named "Murph".
24) If you don't know Murph, then you know Mac, if you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know Sully, and you'll probably also know Sully McMurphy
25) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.
26) Your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room.
27) And last but not least... Being Irish means... your attention span is so short that ... oh, forget
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
11) You're strangely poetic after a few beers.
12) You're, therefore, poetic a lot.
13) You will be punched for no good reason...a lot.
14) Some punches directed at you are legacies from past generations.
15) Your sister will punch you because your brother punched her.
16) Many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary....and one is Mary Catherine Elizabeth.
17) Someone in your family is incredibly cheap. It is more than likely you.
18) You may not know the words, but that doesn't stop you from singing.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
'What is it, child?'
'Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.'
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, 'My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake.'
Monday, June 7, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Initially from the Rocky Mountain News, "BEST EXPERIMENT"
"If you are caught without an umbrella when it starts to rain, will you stay drier by running to shelter instead of walking?
Thomas Peterson and Trevor Wallis, of Asheville, N.C., both climatologists, calculated that running made one 44% drier over 100 meters (about 328 feet).
To test their findings, they measured off a 100-meter course and waited for it to rain. They wore identical dry clothing that had been weighed before the test (they wear the same size) and wore plastic bags under their clothes to trap any water that might seep through. Peterson walked the course, while Wallis ran. Afterward, they weighed the clothes again. The result: Wallis' clothes were 40% drier.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
President Hoover was one of two Presidents who did not accept a salary for being President. He donated his salary to charity.
Charles Curtis, Hoover's vice president, was the only nonwhite person to be elected vice president of the U.S. He was a Kaw Indian.
When the Hoovers wanted to speak privately while in the presence of White House guests, they spoke Chinese.