Sunday, January 31, 2010

Moved by groundhog’s day

My friends all know that I am shy,
But the chipmunk is twice as shy as I.
He moves with flickering indecision
Like stripes across the television.
He's like the shadow of a cloud,
Or Emily Dickinson read aloud.
- - Ogden Nash

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Trailer Park Groundhog

Take gun (.22 cal is good). Load with bullets and accurately fire at head [we're assuming the groundhog's head, not your own].

Skin groundhog and gut him. Clean out carcass with waterhose.
Cut critter into quarters.

Make up a big batch of your favorite marinade (make sure it has oil and vinegar to help tenderize the groundhog).

Throw marinade and critter pieces into plastic trash bag and marinade around 2 to 3 days in the refrigerator.

Take out marinated critter pieces and throw on the grill on low heat. Cook until rare to medium rare. Do not overcook, critter will dry out.
And no one likes their critter dry.

Serve with lots of beer.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Inspirational Quotes

“I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.”

“ God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try”

“ Peace begins with a smile.”

--Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

pup joke

A father gave his teenage daughter an untrained pup for her birthday. An hour later, while wandering through the house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen floor.

"My pup," she murmured proudly, "runneth over."

Monday, January 25, 2010

A great southern Gospel hymn!

Worthy Is The Lamb lyrics:

Thank you for the cross, Lord.
Thank you for the price you paid.
Bearing all my sin and shame, in love you came
And gave Amazing Grace.

Thank you for this love, Lord.
Thank you for the nail-pierced hands.
Wash me in Your cleansing flow, now all I know...
Your forgiveness and embrace.

Worthy is the Lamb
seated on the throne.
We crown You now with many crowns
You reign victorious!
High and lifted up
Jesus, Son of God.
The darling of Heaven, crucified...
Worthy is the Lamb.
--Darlene Zschech

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Great Imposter #3

Mary Baker, the Princess Caraboo from the island of Javasu

On 1817, a cobbler in England, met an apparently disoriented young woman with exotic clothes who was speaking a language no one could understand. Locals brought many foreigners who tried to find out what strange language the lady was talking, until a Portuguese sailor "translated" her story: she was Princess Caraboo from the island of Javasu in the Indian Ocean. She had been captured by pirates, then jumped overboard in the Bristol Channel and swam ashore.

For the next ten weeks, this representative of exotic royalty was a favourite of the local dignataries. She used a bow and arrow, fenced, swam naked and prayed to God, whom she termed Allah Tallah. She acquired exotic clothing and a portrait made of her was reproduced in local newspapers.

Eventually the truth came out: she was actually a cobbler's daughter, Mary Baker, from Devon. She had been a servant girl in various places all over England but had not found a place to stay. She had invented a fictitious language out of imaginary and gypsy words and created an exotic character.

She continued her role in the USA, France and Spain without the same luck. Her story was the basis of the 1994 movie "Princess Caraboo", written by John Wells.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Great imposter #2

Frank William Abagnale, Jr. (born April 27, 1948)

For a period of two years, Abagnale masqueraded as Pan Am pilot "Frank Williams", to get free rides around the world by dead heading on scheduled airline flights. Later, he impersonated a pediatrician for 11 months in a Georgia hospital under the name "Frank Williams". He also forged a Harvard University Law diploma, passed the bar exam of Louisiana and got a job at the office of the State Attorney General of Louisiana.

Over 5 years he worked under 8 identities, though he used many more to cash checks, and passed bad checks worth over $2,5 million in 26 countries. The money was used for a lifestyle in which he dated flight attendants, ate at expensive restaurants, bought expensive clothing, and prepared for his next con.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Great Imposter #1

Victor Lustig (1890-1947) is held to have been one of the most talented confidence tricksters who ever lived.

In 1925, Lustig's master con began when he was reading a newspaper: an article discussed the problems the city was having maintaining the Eiffel Tower. So he adopted the persona of a government official, and sent six scrap metal dealers an invitation to discuss a possible business deal. So he sold the Eiffel Tower to one of the scrap metal dealers and took a train to Vienna with the suitcase full of cash.

Later, Lustig convinced Al Capone to invest $40,000 in a stock deal. Lustig kept Capone's money in a safe deposit box for two months, then returned it to him, claiming that the deal had fallen through. Impressed with Lustig's integrity, Capone gave him $5,000. It was, of course, all that Lustig was after.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Through it all

i've Had Many Tears And Sorrows,
i've Had Questions For Tomorrow,
there's Been Times I Didn't Know Right From Wrong.
but In Every Situation,
god Gave Me Blessed Consulation,
that My Trials Come To Only Make Me Strong.

i've Been To Lots Of Places,
i've Seen A Lot Of Faces,
there's Been Times I Felt So All Alone.
but In My Lonely Hours,
yes, Those Precious Lonely Hours,
jesus Lets Me Know That I Was His Own

i Thank God For The Mountains,
and I Thank Him For The Valleys,
i Thank Him For The Storms He Brought Me Through.
for If I'd Never Had A Problem,
i Wouldn't Know God Could Solve Them,
i'd Never Know What Faith In God Could Do

--Andrea Crouch

Climate Change?

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
-- Robert Frost

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Some Unusual Words

hadeharia…. constant use of the word“hell”"

hagiarchy….. government by saints or holy persons

hebephrenia…. form of dementia occurring at puberty

Are any of these conditions familiar in your family?

Good sense quotes

“Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense.”
-- Winston Churchill

“The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense.”
-- Pablo Picasso

“Money buys everything but good sense”
--Yiddish Proverb

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Tax rates

Country Single Married/2kids
Germany 51.8% 35.7%
Canada 31.6% 21.5%
France 50.1% 41.7%
Greece 38.8% 39.2%
Ireland 25.7% 8.1%
US 29.1% 11.9%

Monday, January 18, 2010

Unusual taxes

Sparkler and novelties tax: In West Virginia, businesses selling sparklers and novelties pay a special fee on top of the state's 6 percent sales tax. The novelties, according to the West Virginia State Tax Department's information sheet on sparklers and novelties, include: Explosive caps designed to be fired in toy pistols; snake and glow worms and; trick noisemakers which produce a small report designed to surprise the user.

Wagering tax: Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Illinois, and Oklahoma, exact a wagering tax on casino or track owners, whether you gamble or not. It can get passed onto customers through the cost of casino amusements.

Tattoo tax: As of last July, anyone in Arkansas wanting to get a eagle etched on their abs or a nose ring notched in their nostrils will have to pay an additional 6 percent, as the state included tattooing and body piercing in its list of services subject to sales taxes. Electrolysis treatments count, too.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Tax quotes

I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes . . ."
-- Mark Twain

"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr."
-- Will Rogers

If you get up early, work late, and pay your taxes, you will get ahead -- if you strike oil."
-- J. Paul Getty

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Unusual tax deductions

Despite the popularity of reality shows with dancing B-list celebs, the IRS nixed dancing lessons as a valid deduction for the improvement of a varicose vein problem.

While thoughts of terrorism have all Americans on edge, the IRS did not accept the expense of building a fallout shelter as a "preventive medicine" deduction.

Much to the chagrin of bikers everywhere, one taxpayer's attempt fell flat when trying to deduct the application of tattoos as a medical expense.

Exotic dancers unite! One professional dancer was allowed to deduct her breast implants as a legitimate business expense.

IRS approval for deducting clarinet lessons as a medical expense to improve their child's overbite.

Another A+ for the parents who convinced the IRS to allow the deduction of travel, room, and board expenses associated with their child's enrollment in an Arizona boarding school to help with his respiratory problems.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Tax jokes

Do you realize that some tax forms ask you to check a box if you are BLIND?

Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension."

It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with a smile, but normally cash is required."

Tax poem

"Abracadabra, thus we learn the more you create, the less you earn.
The less you earn, the more you're given, the less you lead, the more you're driven,
The more destroyed, the more they feed, the more you pay, the more they need,
The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my soul to take, if the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake."
-- Ogden Nash

Thursday, January 14, 2010

things kids like to do in the snow

1. Hiking
2. Skiing
3. Tobogganing
4. Snowmen
5. Fort
6. Angels
7. Snowball Fight
8. Snow cones
9. Sleigh ride
10.Treasure hunt

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Quotes on winter

Winter either bites with its teeth or lashes with its tail.

One kind word can warm three winter months.
~Japanese Proverb

“For the unlearned, old age is winter; for the learned it is the season of the harvest.”
The Talmud

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep

-- Robert Frost

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Wedding Pictures

Finally, here is a link to all the pictures from our wedding. To click on multiple pages find the small grey arrow at the center of the page to drop down a calendar like menu. there is a shopping cart and check out option if you want to buy any prints.


Winter Morning Poem

Winter is the king of showmen
Turning tree stumps into snow men
And houses into birthday cakes
And spreading sugar over lakes
Smooth and clean and frosty white
The world looks good enough to bite
That's the season to be young
Catching snowflakes on your tongue
Snow is snowy when it's snowing
I'm sorry it's slushy when it's going
-- Ogden Nash

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The World's

1. Oldest Living Thing: Prossesor Leif Kullman of Umea University in Sweden reports a Norway spruce (Picea abies) high in the mountains separating Norway and Sweden that is 8,000 years old.

2. Most Massive Living Thing: The giant sequoia (Sequoiadendron giganteum) of the western slopes of the Sierra Nevada has the undisputed record for the world's most massive living thing. The largest tree, named General Sherman, is 272 feet (83 m) tall with a massive trunk 35 feet (11 m) in diameter and 109 feet (33 m) in circumference at the base. .

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Snow Rollers

A snow roller is a rare meteorological phenomenon in which large snowballs are formed naturally as chunks of snow are blown along the ground by wind, picking up material along the way, in much the same way that the large snowballs used in snowmen are made.
Unlike snowballs made by people, snow rollers are typically cylindrical in shape, and are often hollow since the inner layers, which are the first layers to form, are weak and thin compared to the outer layers and can easily be blown away. Snow rollers can grow as large as a foot in diameter

Monday, January 4, 2010

Mother Seton's feast day is January 4

Saint Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton (August 28, 1774 – January 4, 1821) was the first native-born citizen of the United States to be canonized, on September 14, 1975.

Congrads to S.H.E for approaching 70 years in the order of Srs of Charity.

Unusual New Year Traditions

At midnight on New Year’s Eve, it’s customary in Spain to quickly eat 12 grapes—one at each stroke of the clock. Each grape supposedly signifies good luck for one month of the coming year.

Wearing clothes with circular patterns is believed to attract money in the future to those in the Philippines. Polka dots are not only accepted, but highly encouraged on the first day of the year.

In Denmark, the locals throw old dishes at the doors of friend’s homes for good luck. Finding a big pile of broken dishes on the morning of January 1 means you have friends.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

George Carlin on New Year

Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pay s better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"

The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the butt heade. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread, cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-'n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge horse’s ass.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

An Irish Prayer

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer

Friday, January 1, 2010

New Year's Day Prayer

Dear Lord
So far this year I've done well.
I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.