Thursday, December 30, 2010
In traditional Spain (and Latin America), it is customary to eat 12 grapes when the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve.
Though this custom is also practiced in Argentina and Chile, nations which are not typically categorized as "Andean", the burning of dolls is a major staple of New Year's celebrations in Andean countries, being particularly popular in Colombia, Ecuador, and Peru. What people do is make dolls, usually of old cloth or rags, in the semblance of someone who that person wishes to forget and to symbolically leave in the past
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
German= ich liebe dich
Dutch= ik hou van jou
Cherokee - Tsi ge yu i
Cheyenne - Ne mohotats
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Latin - Te amo
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Lebanese - Bahibak
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Monday, December 27, 2010
The boutonniere is usually a collection of one or two small flowers, with perhaps an accent of a bit of baby’s breath or fern. Most often, the boutonniere is worn for formal occasions, such as weddings or proms. It is always pinned to the left lapel of the tuxedo or suit.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
sa bhaile agus thar sáile ar an Nollaig seo
We pray for our family and friends at home
and abroad this Christmas.
Guímid go raibh grá agus síocháin Dé ag soilsiú
orthu gach lá.
We pray that the love and peace of God shines on them every day.
Friday, December 24, 2010
American mistletoe, the kind most often associated with kissing, is one of 1,300 species of mistletoe worldwide but one of only two that are native to the United States. The other is dwarf mistletoe.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
It’s considered bad luck to take down holiday decorations before "Little Women's Christmas" (sometimes simply called "Little Christmas") on January 8th.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
After several such occasions the man approaches the woman.
Man; "Good day madam! Do I know you?"
Woman; "You don't know how much you look like my third husband!"
Man: "Really! How many time were you married?"
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Children in Ireland are accustomed to finding presents left by Santa in their bedrooms, often in a sack at the foot of the bed. An occasional big gift may be left under the Christmas tree, but it’s usually unwrapped.
Friday, December 17, 2010
"Eat staple food. Protein, fat and carbohydrate are known as heat nutrients. Therefore, we should in winter increase the intake of staple food and grease to ensure the supply of high quality protein. Lamb, mutton, beef, chicken, venison, shrimp, pigeons, quail, sea cucumbers and other foods rich in protein and fat."
"Food rich in calcium and iron can increase the body’s ability to keep out the cold. Calcium foods include milk, soy, kelp, seaweed, shells, oysters, sardines, Shrimp, etc.; iron foods are mainly animal blood, egg yolk, liver, soybeans, sesame seeds, black fungus and red dates and so on."
jpr comment: This is the basic Eskimo diet!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
"Years ago, when I had little desire to continue living but no longer suicidal, I was driving my car to visit a friend. As I approached her house, I didn’t park in my usual spot which was on a street about 75 feet from her house, a street which was above her house - to the left of a hill (she lived at the bottom of the hill). For some unknown reason, I pulled my car to the right on the bottom of the hill and still had my gear shift in drive and my foot on the brake when - a large car came speeding over the blind crest of this hill, ripping off the guard-rails which separated the street at the left from her house below. The car landed on its hood and would surely have crushed me to death had I parked in my usual spot for I would have been directly in its path as it came over the hill. What made me pull my card to the side where I did not normally park? That event convinced me that we do in fact have Guardian Angels."
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
US gold production greatly increased during the 1980s, due to high gold prices and the use of heap leaching to recover gold from disseminated low-grade deposits in Nevada and other states.
In 2007 the United States produced approximately 240 tons of gold, making it the fourth-largest gold-producing nation, behind Australia, South Africa, and China.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
It is not oil or gas that is being sought with the Kola well, but an understanding of the nature of the earth's crust.
That's 7.57 miles down showing how thin is the earth's crust.
Monday, December 13, 2010
but is darn sure of the infallibility of the Pope...
Won't eat meat on Friday,
but will drink Jameson for breakfast.....
Has great respect for the truth,
he uses in emergencies...
Sees things not as they are
but the way they never will be.....
Cries at sad movies,
but cheers in battle....
Hates the English,
but reserves his cruelty for countryman....
Gets more Irish the further he gets from Ireland.....
Believes in civil rights,
but not in his neighborhood...
Believes to forgive is divine,
therefore doesn't exercise it himself....
Loves religion for its own sake,
but also because it makes it so
inconvenient for his neighbors....
but worships those who have it...
Considers any Irishman who
achieves success to be a traitor
Friday, December 10, 2010
You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
~~ Dylan Thomas
Contains an Anti Oxidant: This property is in great demand these days as it is being viewed as the key to ever-youth and longer, healthier life.
:The Essential Oil of Pimento has a relaxing effect on the muscles, nerves, blood vessels and the brain. This way, it gives relief from stress, anxiety, anger, nervous afflictions, convulsions, hypertension, mental unrest, depression, insomnia etc.Tri
Friday, December 3, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
This poem, a complete history of Persia, contained almost 60,000 verses, occupied 2,084 pages, and filled nine big volumes. It took the poet 35 years to finish the work!
There was a reason why Firdausi wanted to write a very long poem. The Sultan of Persia offered the poet one gold piece for every verse he wrote. But when Firdausi had finished his long work and asked for his 60,000 gold pieces, the sultan sent him 60,000 silver pieces instead.
Firdausi was so angered by the sultan’s act that he gave away all 60,000 silver pieces, he even gave 20,000 of them to a beer-seller for one glass of beer!
Monday, November 29, 2010
a poem is anything and everthing
so might use it to sing
you can right a poem when your mad
you can right a poem about a poem
in your poem or about some foam
you can right a poem about a squeril
or about that lovely girl
you can right a poem anywhere
even when you have a scare
you can right the boogyman
or that guy in the closet named stan
so express your self
write a poem about your self
keep your head in a cloud
so write a poem to make me proud
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t why you should
“Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.”
“Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives.”
“Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.”
“To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.”
“For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.”
Friday, November 26, 2010
“Germinate: To become a naturalized German.”
“Liter: A nest of young puppies.”
“Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.”
“Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.”
Thursday, November 25, 2010
“A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.”
“The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.”
“A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.”
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
“The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, and u.”
“The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.”
“The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.”
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
“Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.”
“The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.”
“Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.”
“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.”
“A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.”
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
To see the twilight shadows pale,
Steal o'er the landscape, far and wide,
O'er stream and meadow, mound and dale!
How soft is Nature's calm repose
When ev'ning skies their cool dews weep:
The gentlest wind more gently blows,
As if to soothe her in her sleep!
The gay morn breaks,
Mists roll away,
All Nature awakes
To glorious day.
In my breast alone
Dark shadows remain;
The peace it has known
It can never regain.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
~~ Percy Bysshe Shelley
"For precious friends hid in death's dateless night."
A California plumber found prehistoric bones in the muck at the Riverside County Flood Control and Water Conservation District -- and he could soon be wrangling gold piping if he gets to auction off his discovery.
Shocked workers at the Tiberias plant in Israel found about 7,000 shekels (about $2,000) in smelly sewage stuck in pipes.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Comment: happy birthday John Patrick! May the pure flow freely but leave just enough sobriety to keep off the garda.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Length of days is not what makes age honourable,
nor number of years the true measure of life;
understanding, this is man’s grey hairs,
untarnished life, this is ripe old age.
He has sought to please God, so God has loved him;
as he lived among sinners, he has been taken up.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
2. Australian Mountain-ash 99.6 m (326.8 ft), south of Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
3. Coast Douglas-fir ( 99.4 m (326.1 ft), Brummit Creek, Coos County, Oregon, United States
4. Sitka Spruce 96.7 m (317.3 ft), Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park, California, United States.
5. Giant Sequoia 94.9 m (311.4 ft), Redwood Mountain Grove, Kings Canyon National Park, California, United States.
6. Tasmanian Blue Gum (.90.7 m (297.6 ft), Tasmania, Australia.
7. Manna Gum 89 m (292 ft), Evercreech Forest Reserve, Tasmania, Australia.
8. Shorea faguetiana: 88.3 m (289.7 ft) Tawau Hills National Park, in Sabah on the island of Borneo.
9. Alpine Ash 87.9 m (288.4 ft), Tasmania, Australia.
10. Noble Fir 87.5 m (287.1 ft) Mount St. Helens National Volcanic Monument, Washington, United States.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Unwillingly Miranda wakes,
Feels the sun with terror,
One unwilling step she takes,
Shuddering to the mirror.
Miranda in Miranda's sight
Is old and gray and dirty;
Twenty-nine she was last night;
This morning she is thirty.
Shining like the morning star,
Like the twilight shining,
Haunted by a calendar,
Miranda is a-pining.
Silly girl, silver girl,
Draw the mirror toward you;
Time who makes the years to whirl
Adorned as he adored you.
Time is timelessness for you;
Calendars for the human;
What's a year, or thirty, to
Loveliness made woman?
Oh, Night will not see thirty again,
Yet soft her wing, Miranda;
Pick up your glass and tell me, then--
How old is Spring, Miranda?
Friday, November 5, 2010
9. Savannah Cat: $4,000-$10,000
8. Mona Guenon: $6,000
7. Debrazzas Monkey: $10,000
6. Striped Ball Python: $10,000
5. Hyacinth Macaw: $6,500-12,000
4. Reticulated Albino Type II Tiger Python: $15,000
3. Lavender Albino Python Female: $20,000
2. Chimpanzee: $60,000-$65,000
1. White Lion Cubs: $138,000
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
2. Kellogg's Special K
3. Post Honey Bunches of Oats
4. Kellogg's Frosted Flakes
5. Kellogg's Frosted Mini Wheats
6. Kellogg's Raisin Bran
7. Kellogg's Froot Loops
8. General Mills Cinnamon Toast Crunch
9. General Mills Lucky Charms
10. Quaker Oats Cap'n Crunch
11. Quaker Oats Life
12. Kellogg's Rice Krispies
13. Kellogg's Corn Flakes
14. All Others Combined
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
2. The second best selling halloween candy is the delicious Snickers Bar
3. The third best selling halloween candy of all time is the Reese's Cup.
4. The fourth best selling Halloween candy is the Kit Kat.
5. The fifth best selling halloween candy is the Milky Way Bar.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
However long the road there comes a turning.
What a person does not spend himself, his enemies spend it.
A wise man keeps his counsel; the fool reveals his.
Food is a good workhorse.
God shares with the person who is generous.
Baptize your own child first.
Patience is the poultice of all wounds.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
There is hope from the ocean, but none from the grave.
The mouth of the grave gives to the needy one.
When death comes it will not go away empty.
Death is in the front of every old person and at the back of every young person.
Both your friend and your enemy think that you will never die.
We owe the grave many a day.
Monday, October 11, 2010
We would walk right up to heaven ang bring you back again.
No farewell words were spoken.
No time to say goodbye.
You were gone before we knew it and only God knows the why.
Our hearts still ache in sadness and secret tears still flo.
What it meant to lose you, no one will ever know.
But now we know you want us to mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times Life still has much in store.
Since you'll never be forgotten we pledge to you today.
A cherished place within our heart is where you'll always stay
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
So He put His arms around you and whispered “come to me.”
With tearful eyes we watched you, and saw you pass away.
Although we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the best.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
1. Most mountain men did not travel alone because they had families that traveled with them.
2. 84% of the mountain men were married.
3. Most mountain men had an average of four kids which often traveled with them.
4. 64% of the mountain men that were married had married Native American women.
5. Most mountain men hunted for fifteen years, then became ranchers or farmers.
6. The men didn't travel alone on foot, but by horses, mules, and canoes.
7. Most mountain men died of old age at the age of sixty-four. They lived longer then most Americans at the time.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Katherine Lee Bates wrote America the Beautiful after being inspired on the summit of Pikes Peak, near Colorado Springs. Trail Ridge Road, State Road 34 in Rocky Mountain National Park, is the highest continuously-paved road in the U.S.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Sleep hath its own world,
A boundary between the things misnamed
Death and existence: Sleep hath its own world,
And a wide realm of wild reality,
And dreams in their development have breath,
And tears, and tortures, and the touch of joy;
They leave a weight upon our waking thoughts,
They take a weight from off waking toils,
They do divide our being;
Often heard repeated by Abe Lincoln
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Otto Loewi (1873-1961), a German born physiologist, won the Nobel Prize for medicine in 1936 for his work on the chemical transmission of nerve impulses. In 1903, Loewi had the idea that there might be a chemical transmission of the nervous impulse rather than an electrical one, which was the common held belief, but he was at a loss on how to prove it. He let the idea slip to the back of his mind until 17 years later he had the following dream. According to Loewi:
"The night before Easter Sunday of that year I awoke, turned on the light, and jotted down a few notes on a tiny slip of paper. Then I fell asleep again. It occurred to me at 6 o'clock in the morning that during the night I had written down something most important, but I was unable to decipher the scrawl. The next night, at 3 o'clock, the idea returned. It was the design of an experiment to determine whether or not the hypothesis of chemical transmission that I had uttered 17 years ago was correct. I got up immediately, went to the laboratory, and performed a single experiment on a frog's heart according to the nocturnal design."
Things are looking up...for someone who's been dead for over 100 years.
Discover Evergreen Cemetery in New Haven, Vermont, final resting place of Timothy Clark Smith, whose 1893 crypt includes a window to help him escape in case he was buried alive.
Friday, September 17, 2010
In the summer of 1816, nineteen-year-old Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin and her lover, the poet Percy Shelley (whom she married later that year), visited the poet Lord Byron at his villa beside Lake Geneva in Switzerland. Stormy weather frequently forced them indoors, where they and Byron's other guests sometimes read from a volume of ghost stories. One evening, Byron challenged his guests to each write one themselves.
Mary's story, inspired by a dream, became Frankenstein.
Note from the Connecticut State Police: Those who go, or attempt to go to Dudleytown will be arrested for trespassing and/or parking. The fines start at $75.00 per person and rapidly increase.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Paul McCartney is one of the most famous singer/ songwriters of all time. According to the Guinness Book of Records, his Beatles song "Yesterday" (1965) has the most cover versions of any song ever written and, according to record label BMI, was performed over seven million times in the 20th century.
The tune for "Yesterday" came to Paul McCartney in a dream...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
It is also Cholesterol Awareness Month in America
September 9th is National Teddy Bear Day.
September 16th id National Play-Doh Day.
September 19th is “Talk Like A pirate Day” around the world…an International event.
September 12th is National Chocolate Milkshake Day
The 4th week of September is National Dog Week
Monday, September 13, 2010
Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child must work for a living,
But the child that's born on the Sabbath day,
Is fair and wise and good and gay.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
We Christens drive drunk and slaughter many families of our own on the highway,
We Christens sell drugs, embezzle, and extort our own for greed.
Perhaps one should listen to the good people of Islam and read their Koran before one thinks to destroy it. All religions have followers who fail their God.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Truth is put down, reason is holden fable;
Virtue hath now no domination;
Pity exil'd, no wight is merciable;
Through covetise is blent discretion;
The worlde hath made permutation
From right to wrong, from truth to fickleness,
That all is lost for lack of steadfastness.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.
A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!
~~ Ogden Nash
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
I didn't go to church today,
I trust the Lord to understand.
The surf was swirling blue and white,
The children swirling on the sand.
He knows, He knows how brief my stay,
How brief this spell of summer weather,
He knows when I am said and done
We'll have plenty of time together.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
by Emily Dickinson
Because I could not stop for Death –
He kindly stopped for me –
The Carriage held but just Ourselves –
We slowly drove – He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility –
Since then – 'tis Centuries – and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses' Heads
Were toward Eternity –
Friday, September 3, 2010
Apparently a lesson in ungratefulness was in order. Some of Caesar's supporters insisted that he did not stand due to a sudden attack of Diarrhea. .
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smil'd or wept;
There to abide with my creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
This country celebrates the 100th day after a child's birth. Rice cakes, made with red and black beans, and sweetened with honey are passed out amongst family and friends. As the tradition goes, the more rice cakes handed out, the better. Offering 100 of these cakes signifies that the child will go on to have a long, happy life.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It's a miracle!”
“Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The poor man was on his own and there wasn't anyone in the parish to give him a hand to sow his spuds in the garden.
He wrote a letter to his son and told him his sad tale.
Without any delay, the boy wrote back, "IN THE NAME O' GOD ! Don't put a spade in the ground of that garden... That's where I hid the GUNS !!"
At 4 a.m. what happened but didn't a great crowd of British soldiers arrive and they dug the whole place over from side to side without finding anything.
The old man was amazed and he wrote again to his son telling him what had happened and that he couldn't understand it at all.
The son wrote back,"Don't do anything, father, just plant your spuds !"
Saturday, August 21, 2010
The total amount of precipitation to fall to earth in one year is 5,000 million million tons.
He telephones the police station and says: "There is a dead jackass lying on my lawn. Can you send a few fellows over to take him away?
"I thought that Last Rites was your business," says the policeman.
( Fr. Murphey remains silent for a couple of seconds...)
And then he says: "but first we must notify the next of kin."
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Hast thou named all the birds without a gun;
Loved the wood-rose, and left it on its stalk;
At rich men's tables eaten bread and pulse;
Unarmed, faced danger with a heart of trust;
And loved so well a high behavior
In man or maid, that thou from speech refrained,
Nobility more nobly to repay?
O be my friend, and teach me to be thine!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet,” Your hamster is dead".
Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet.
Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be $1000, please". "A $1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
The next day, Li Na received an email from "firstname.lastname@example.org" in which he was told: "We have evidence to proof that you have been tapping the highest security hotlines of government. Any attempt to bug the telephone talk of country leaders is illegal."
Footnote: Li Peng is the Premier who ordered to kill Peking students in Tiananmen Square in 1989 crackdown.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Robert F. Kennedy, Jr suffers from spasmodic dysphonia.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Friday, July 23, 2010
. You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.
. Christmas Eve . . . only fish.
. Your mom's meatballs are the best.
. You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.
. Plastic on the furniture is normal.
. You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."
. You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."
. You've called someone a "mamaluke."
. And you understand "bada bing"
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
You've ever hitchhiked naked.
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach
When feeling out of sight for ends of Being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need,
by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for light,
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with passion put to use in my old griefs,
and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints -
I love thee with the breath, smiles, and tears of all my life!
And, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.
Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me ASAP...
Kum Hia Nao
Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?...
Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table...
Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift...
Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here...
Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet...
Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone...
No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week...
Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight...
Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile...
Wa Shing Ka
Monday, July 19, 2010
There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny;
He spent all that money,
In onions and honey,
That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.
II. The classic poem to mind is "A Word to Husbands by Ogden Nash":
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
comment: I could only keep these poems in memory as long as there was brandy in the jar!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
wandering her cities and ascending her torrid hilltowns.
How much better to cruise these local, familiar streets,
fully grasping the meaning of every roadsign and billboard
and all the sudden hand gestures of my compatriots.
There are no abbeys here, no crumbling frescoes or famous
domes and there is no need to memorize a succession
of kings or tour the dripping corners of a dungeon.
No need to stand around a sarcophagus, see Napoleon's
little bed on Elba, or view the bones of a saint under glass.
How much better to command the simple precinct of home
than be dwarfed by pillar, arch, and basilica.
Why hide my head in phrase books and wrinkled maps?
Why feed scenery into a hungry, one-eyed camera
eager to eat the world one monument at a time?
Instead of slouching in a cafe ignorant of the word for ice,
I will head down to the coffee shop and the waitress
known as Dot. I will slide into the flow of the morning
paper, all language barriers down,
rivers of idiom running freely, eggs over easy on the way.
And after breakfast, I will not have to find someone
willing to photograph me with my arm around the owner.
I will not puzzle over the bill or record in a journal
what I had to eat and how the sun came in the window.
It is enough to climb back into the car
as if it were the great car of English itself
and sounding my loud vernacular horn, speed off
down a road that will never lead to Rome, not even Bologna.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
“Buford what are you up to out there?” Mrs. Prichard asks.
It is late afternoon and Buford is seated on the front porch sipping a pint of ale.
“Killing fly!” The man calls in return. “My daddy killed fly. His daddy killed fly.”
“If the barn yard was cleaned up proper we should not have all these flies about the place.” Mrs. Prichard is dauntless in encouraging the man.
“Killing fly is like fishing except the critters come to me direct and eager.” The man blusters. “Takes a special ability to kill fly!”
“Well what skill are you practicing with all the ale you are consuming?” The woman wants changes in the man.
“Ale steadies the hand, relaxes the eye.” Buford responds.
“It seems to me that you are always relaxing! Whatever causes you stress?” The woman is frustrated.
The man looks in her direction, considers the wisdom in his response. “Being without you dear!”
“Why don’t you finish digging that drainage ditch behind the hen house then sit down with your ale?” Mrs. Prichard is relentless.
“The rains be coming and the runoff will wear on that ditch.” Buford sips tastes from his pint. “Nature will do most of the labor!”
“Man needs time to kill fly!” He reminds his wife.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Here is a handwritten note that was found on the wall in Mother Teresa’s room after she passed away.
People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends, and some true enemies; be successful anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, others may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
“After the library, we should stop at Mr. Dittwhiler’s Store. He has a selection of new mirrors in stock. “Alicia informs. “I would love to see my self in a top quality looking glass.”
“Last year’s early spring left my complexion with rosy blotches.” Abby responds.” I hope this year will be a proper spring.”
“Mr. Dittwhiler’s wife left him recently!” Avril announces. “Those blotches are hardly noticeable, Abby.”
“No!” Shouts Abby in delicious surprise. “I fear that there are the remains of one or two of the most serious blemishes.”
“I heard he had a first wife that did the same thing when he lived in Portsmouth!” Alicia gasps. “I can’t even recall those red marks on you, Abby”.”
“With whom did she run off?” Abby inquires. “Mr. Dittwhiler is such a handsome gentleman.”
“They say she is with a man that works down on the docks…a delivery man.” Squeals Avril. “A rather offish man at that!”
“Oh how dirty that all sounds.” Moans Alicia. “I always thought there was something very unordinary and deeply common about Mrs. Dittwhiler."
“She has always wears a distant look upon her face.” Abby recalls. “The kind of blanch that one doesn’t see upon a healthy soul.”
“I know the woman who helps at his store.” Teases Avril. “Let us top and see what news my friend has to offer.”
In truth Mr. & Mrs. Mr. Dittwhiler were childhood sweethearts. The man has only had the one wife. Mrs. Dittwhiler has not left her husband but is traveling with her first cousin, a naval officer upon a several days journey to a family gathering.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
At the same time, in the Southern Hemisphere, the pole is tilted farthest away from the sun, and the June solstice falls in winter, marking the shortest and darkest day of the year.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
The colonel is an impatient man with an aggressive ‘take charge’ personality. His retirement is trying so he must invent problems to solve in order consume his day.
“Harriet!” Barks the colonel at his wife. “Front and center!”
Mrs. Haggis enters the parlor. Her wet hands she is drying in her apron.
The colonel lowers his newspaper.
“Have you n any idea how foolish the town’s counsel has acted on the issue of leashed pets?” The colonel is agitated.
“No dear! I have too much work with all the canning that has to be done from the garden.” The lady’s hair is damp from the heat in the kitchen.
“These brigands have passed the absurd requirement that all pets be leashed in the city park!” The gentleman waits for wife’s response.
“We don’t own a pet dear!” Harriet retorts.
“How is man supposed to train his dog without the proper drills?” The colonel asks. “Do they expect me to go along with leash in hand when I wish to run the dog?”
“Dear we don’t own a dog and never have!” Harriet is perplexed. “Do you plan to exercise someone’s pet?”
“Apparently I shall never be able to do so under this confounded new ordinance!” The colonel grows angry. “Neither shall you Harriet ever again run the dog!”
“I have never run a dog!” She replies.
“Precisely! Your rights are being been denied. I shall leave for the city building at once and protest in your name!” The colonel folds his paper. “I shall pass the pet shop and see if they have a dog you might take to!”
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
“Alewua! Alewua!” The reverend calls as he begins his sermon.
“Aleluia! Aleluia!” Returns the congregation.
“Today’s message takes us beyond knowing the difference between wight and wrong.” The vicar stammers. ‘It is our call to wightousness!”
The community strains to become comfortable.
“When 300 Amonites stood in wightousness against 5000 Hitties, they feared no loss but knew they would be victowious even unto their death.” The old cleric’s voice lifts.
“That day 10,000 died on the field of battle and wightousness pwevailed.” The parson continues.
“Where did la those extra dead soldiers come from?” Mrs. Cartwright whispers to her husband.
“It seems the good reverend counts twice the deficit …much as a government official.” Mr. Cartwright answers.
“The wicked shall be punished!” The reverend adds. “Consider the three criminals that are to be executed for seduction of the Queen.”
“My word! Three unrepentant men seduced her Majesty!” Mrs. Cartwright whispers.
“I believe my dear that sedition was the crime!” Mr. Cartwright corrects.
“Let us pway!” The minister commands.
“Lead me ,guide me along the way,
If you lead me I cannot stway,
Lowd let me walk this day with thee.”
“Amen!” The reverend ends
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
20) "Irish Stew" is the euphemism for "boiled leftovers from the fridge."
21) You're not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency.
22) There wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.
23) You are, or know someone, named "Murph".
24) If you don't know Murph, then you know Mac, if you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know Sully, and you'll probably also know Sully McMurphy
25) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.
26) Your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room.
27) And last but not least... Being Irish means... your attention span is so short that ... oh, forget
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
11) You're strangely poetic after a few beers.
12) You're, therefore, poetic a lot.
13) You will be punched for no good reason...a lot.
14) Some punches directed at you are legacies from past generations.
15) Your sister will punch you because your brother punched her.
16) Many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary....and one is Mary Catherine Elizabeth.
17) Someone in your family is incredibly cheap. It is more than likely you.
18) You may not know the words, but that doesn't stop you from singing.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
'What is it, child?'
'Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.'
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, 'My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake.'
Monday, June 7, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Initially from the Rocky Mountain News, "BEST EXPERIMENT"
"If you are caught without an umbrella when it starts to rain, will you stay drier by running to shelter instead of walking?
Thomas Peterson and Trevor Wallis, of Asheville, N.C., both climatologists, calculated that running made one 44% drier over 100 meters (about 328 feet).
To test their findings, they measured off a 100-meter course and waited for it to rain. They wore identical dry clothing that had been weighed before the test (they wear the same size) and wore plastic bags under their clothes to trap any water that might seep through. Peterson walked the course, while Wallis ran. Afterward, they weighed the clothes again. The result: Wallis' clothes were 40% drier.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
President Hoover was one of two Presidents who did not accept a salary for being President. He donated his salary to charity.
Charles Curtis, Hoover's vice president, was the only nonwhite person to be elected vice president of the U.S. He was a Kaw Indian.
When the Hoovers wanted to speak privately while in the presence of White House guests, they spoke Chinese.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
Received a letter today and one yesterday. Very nice.
Do you know what I want for xmas....You!!! See if you can get it for me. The furlough rumor is out again. This time it is 7 days with travelling time. If so that will give me about 8 days. None are to exceed 15 days. I could mooch a day or two, that sure would make a nice xmas.
Dear, going over seas is something I don't like to talk about very much. It is so uncertain. Some fellows have been writing home, that are in other divisions, and saying they are going over. They have been doing that ever since they have been in the army, yet the are still on this side. You see there are so many things happening that lead them to think that way. Things like the issuing of new equipment and certain other things but yet that isn't a definite sign. You can never tell until you go. With the opening of the new front, things are more uncertain than ever. They are going to need lots of men over there. Frankly I think it will be another 6 months before this division goes over, if it ever does. I think the war will be over in another 6 months if not sooner. I think we may move to the east coast and lay there for 3 months or so. That seems to be the opinion of most of the fellows here. (Dinah Shore is singing "I am Dreaming of a White Christmas the song that makes me very homesick for you.)
I could do several things to keep from going over, but that is being a coward. Such things as O.C.S. and the air corp. But I won't do it. If I should go over it is very certain that I will come back. That you can depend on.
This outfit here is very discouraging some times, yet I like it. Several of us have been pushed around when it comes to ratings, yet when we go into actual combat, things will be a different story. You don't become a hero or get much praise but we do our work and do it well. We are doing our part anyhow.
Honey, I hope this letter doesn't make you feel bad and not do anything hasty or foolish. I am sure it won't though. This is a subject I don't like to think much about as I said before don't put too much stock in what I have wrote here because things are so uncertain. This is just my opinion.
They had to issue me new cloths today. I have been running around with my knees and a-- sticking out. It got too chilly at night.
We are having a great deal of trouble with our laundry here. I certainly hope they get it settled soon because I am not a very good wash woman.
They finally got around to issuing us cots. I can't say I like the change. It makes it much harder to get up in the morning.
I can see you now, doing the house work in your slacks and sweater. You certainly did look cute the first morning I came up there on my furlough. I shall never forget it.
You should be very careful with Agnes C. You know she gets very tired. Jay certainly is the man about town. He reminds me of somebody, just who, I prefer not to say. Watch him though. That last remark meant no offense but was meant only in fun.
Well dear thats my limit. I love you very much and put it down in the books that we will be married by xmas or just a little after.
Lots and Lots of love
Yours and I mean it
Sunday, May 30, 2010
The two men collaborated on fourteen comic operas between 1871 and 1896, of which H.M.S. Pinafore, The Pirates of Penzance, and The Mikado are among the best known.
Sullivan, six years Gilbert's junior, composed the music, contributing memorable melodies that could convey both humor and pathos.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
All snails are classified as mollusks because of the hard shell that protects their bodies.
They are number two behind insects when it comes to their numbers.
Many species of snails actually hibernate during the colder months of the year. They cover their bodies with a thin layer of mucus which prevents them from drying out. Sometimes snails are also able to hibernate in the summer to survive if they are faced with a severe drought.
Friday, May 28, 2010
On the same trial a black snake passed-by a few weeks back , and a time before that a water snake lay on the same stretch taking in the sun. This season I’ve seen more snakes than the last 40 years combined.
Might be time to get a snake bite kit together…another benefit from my scout training.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
He spent his early years in remote sections of New Mexico, where his father, Arthur MacArthur Jr., commanded an infantry company. It was here that he learned to ride and shoot even before he could read or write.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
He was born May 26, 1907 Winterset, Iowa His parents were Clyde Morrison & Mary Brown
Duke was 6'4'' and had brown hair and blue eyes and wore a size-11 boot.
The Duke died at age of 72.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery—
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy—
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
Monday, May 24, 2010
which sweetly flow in silent streams
from Thy bright throne above.
O come, Thou Father of the poor;
O come, Thou source of all our store,
come, fill our hearts with love.
O Thou, of comforters the best,
O Thou, the soul's delightful guest,
the pilgrim's sweet relief.
Rest art Thou in our toil, most sweet
refreshment in the noonday heat;
and solace in our grief.
O blessed Light of life Thou art;
fill with Thy light the inmost heart
of those who hope in Thee.
Without Thy Godhead nothing can,
have any price or worth in man,
nothing can harmless be.
Lord, wash our sinful stains away,
refresh from heaven our barren clay,
our wounds and bruises heal.
To Thy sweet yoke our stiff necks bow,
warm with Thy fire our hearts of snow,
our wandering feet recall.
Grant to Thy faithful, dearest Lord,
whose only hope is Thy sure word,
the sevenfold gifts of grace.
Grant us in life Thy grace that we,
in peace may die and ever be,
in joy before Thy face. Amen. Alleluia.
Gregorian Chant from the 12th Century sung in Latin of course
Sunday, May 23, 2010
1st old gentleman: One never knows how or when!
2nd old man: My grandfather died in the year, the day, and the hour he foretold!
1st: That is extraordinary! How did he ever come to know?
2nd: The judge told him!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
The fossils gathered for a ball
There were no drums or saxophones,
But just the clatter of their bones,
A rolling, rattling, carefree circus
Of mammoth polkas and mazurkas.
Pterodactyls and brontosauruses
Sang ghostly prehistoric choruses.
Amid the mastodontic wassail
I caught the eye of one small fossil.
"Cheer up, sad world," he said, and winked-
"It's kind of fun to be extinct."
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Which no colleen may own.
There's a depth in my soul,
Never sounded or known;
There's a place in my mem'ry,
My life, that you fill,
No other can take it,
No one ever will.
cho: Sure, I love the dear silver
That shines in your hair,
And the brow that's all furrowed,
And wrinkled with care.
I kiss the dear fingers,
So toil-worn for me,
Oh, God bless you and keep you,
Ev'ry sorrow or care
In the dear days gone by,
Was made bright by the light
Of the smile in your eye,
Like a candle that's set
In the window at night,
Your fond love has cheered me
And guided me right.
(Lyric by Rida Johnson Young, Music by Chauncey Olcott
and Ernest R. Ball,1910)
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Over in Killarney
Many years ago,
Me Mither sang a song to me
In tones so sweet and low.
Just a simple little ditty,
In her good ould Irish way,
And l'd give the world if she could sing
That song to me this day.
Chorus: "Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li,
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, hush now, don't you cry!
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, that's an Irish lullaby."
Oft in dreams I wander
To that cot again,
I feel her arms a-huggin' me
As when she held me then.
And I hear her voice a -hummin'
To me as in days of yore,
When she used to rock me fast asleep
Outside the cabin door.