I found a dead one!

Yep! It was laying there spread eagle along a secluded forest trail. It didn’t move upon my approach. Resting flat and stiff, the remains had all the indications of a recent encounter with a dirk bicycle, or motorized quad.

I have read (on blogs ) about the fear of accumulating dead in a desolate parts of nature. This was serious …at least for the ground toad sacrificed by modernity. The sign foretold of more demise to come in the direction of my passage!

I have been a scout, a naturalist….yes an explorer for most of my unmarried, sober life. This seemed a pure amphibicide and no accident.

My first thoughts were of reckless youths indifferent to the environmental consequences of their leisure sport. However the examination of evidence quickly said other wise.

Fact # 1. To the worn eye a rock or large toad may be indistinguishable. To the failing eye, neither would have been viewed. This suggests a lead rider of advancing age or better aged advance.

Fact # 2. The size in width of the tire marks was relatively large for a pedacycle but too small for a motorized off the road vehicle. Typical tire requirements found for an over weight load.

Fact # 3. The nature of the toad’s body position indicates compaction at a rate too slow for a competitive bike rider. Thus is confirmed that tired heavy legs were providing a barely sustainable forward trust at the time of death

Fact # 4. The rider was alone! No other marks of human passage were to be found. The culprit was unsociable in disposition perhaps even violent.

The conclusion is inescapable. This death was dealt by a late middle aged overweight (pie eating) male sociopath probably bearded and wearing out of date prescription glasses.

Any one seeing a person of this description is asked to take caution!