quotes

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
-A. Whitney Brown

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- Stephen Wright

When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.
- Stephen Wright.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
--Sue Murphy

I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'
-Bruce Baum

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeners.