Competitive Eating

http://www.ifoce.com/home.php


Although it renders me speechless, the International Federation of Competitive Eating does exist in a world where every 3.6 seconds someone dies of hunger. My apologies for the downer...it is understood that the importance of this blog is to make better the day.

So at this point I can only resort to taking aim at my own hypocrisy which seems to know no bounds. I once downed 3 Irish Car-Bombs in the time it took my opponent to finish 1. Proof in the puddin'....see image below.

Ingredients: Combine 1 oz Baileys & 1 oz Jameson Whiskey in a shot glass. Drop the shot glass into a 2/3 full glass of Guiness Stout. Drink Immediately.


Instructions in Competitive Drinking:

1. How to Shotgun a can of beer - hold aluminum can in your left hand, while you aim a well sharpened car key in your right. Using the key, draw an imaginary line from the closed mouth of the can to approximately 1/4" from the bottom. Make 2 perpendicular stabs at this central location of the can in to form a "+" shape. proceed to push back the 4 corners to create a diamond shape hole in the can. Put mouth up to hole and pop the tab on the top of the can. proceed to gulp gulp gulp gulp... Optional: crush can over your head in triumph or simply step on can in order to maximize space in the grocery bag tied to your car bumper. (yes, you are now tailgating.)
   
   
2. How to Shotgun anything else - Find a plastic/rubber tube (clear if possible), connect to a funnel. hold both the end of the tube and the base of the funnel in one hand and pour liquid in the funnel. IMPORTANT: to avoid spills or leaks, you must esure that the middle of the tube is pinched, hence why you hold both ends of the apparatus in one hand. Optional: Plugging end of the tube with your thumb while pouring may be optimal. Once capacity is met: put your mouth around the end of the tube while raising the funnel end to the sky. commece chugging chugging chuggin...
   
   
3. Study Drinking Games - Easily could justify a seperate entry to describe each: Crazy 8's, Around the World, Flip Cup, Beer Pong, Panama, Shut the box, Roxanne (this is when you take a drink everytime Sting sings "Roxanne" in the self titled song; much harder than one would imagine), Waterfall, Quarters, Das Boot, Beirut, Power Hour.

Keep in mind the words my assistant high school bball coach used to say, "Practice doesn't make perfect... perfect practice makes perfect."