ONLY THE IRISH

• Where were you going when I saw you coming back?
• I ran after you, but when I caught up to you you'd gone.
• 'How far is it to the next village?' asked the American tourist. 'It's about seven miles,' guessed the farmer. 'But it's only five if you run!'
• 'I'm the unluckiest person in the whole world,' moaned Betty McGrath. 'I bought a non-stick pan and can't get the label off.'
• 'I'd like some nails,' Mick requested of the travelling tinker. 'How long would you like them?' asked the man. 'Forever, if that's all right with you,' said Mick.
• 'The baby is just like his father,' said Mary Quinn. 'But at least he's got his health!'
• 'I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one.
• 'You three are a right pair if ever I saw one!'
• 'Spread out in a bunch.'
• ‘Pat and Murphy, saw sign saying "Tree fellers" wanted. Murphy said to Pat, If only Seamus had been with us we'd have got that job.'